How to respond if your partner doesn’t want to wear a condom

Everyone knows condoms prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. But what everyone may NOT know is how to have the conversation with your partner about protection, ESPECIALLY if they’re against using condoms. We came up with some responses to use if your partner doesn’t want to use condoms.

They say: “It doesn’t fit.”

You say:  “A condom can hold up to a gallon of water, don’t worry, it’ll fit.”

It’s true! Condoms are flexible that can adjust to fit penises of all sizes.

 

They say: “Sex feels better without a condom.”

You say: “It might feel better now, but it’ll feel a lot worse later if you get an STI.”

Being able to have sex without worrying about spreading STIs takes the pressure off and allows you and your partner to focus on each other in the moment.

 

They say: “I don’t know how to put one on.”

You say: “Let’s figure it out together.”

Working together to ensure you’re putting condoms on the right way holds you both accountable and takes pressure off of one partner being responsible for both of your sexual health.

 

They say: “You’re using birth control, we are both clean, and we aren’t sleeping with anyone else, so we don’t need them.”

You say: “Birth control doesn’t prevent Sexually Transmitted Infections though! I heard most people that have an STI won’t show symptoms, so even if we both think we’re OK we should get tested and continue to use protection. Also, some STIs (like Syphilis) can have a late onset, so you could have contracted one from a partner before me.”

It’s true! 70% of people that have an STI won’t show symptoms, and Syphilis can take up to 20 years to show! Monogamy doesn’t always help…as loyalty and various relationship dynamics don’t guarantee STIs can be contracted.

 

They say: “This has never been a problem for other people I’ve been with.”

You say: “They’re not me. I view protection as a way for us to respect each other as well as take the pressure and worry off of contracting an STI.”

Having your current partner compare your situation to their previous partners when it comes to sexual health just isn’t fair. The past is in the past and each relationship is unique. If you want to use condoms, simply explain that’s the way YOU get down, and the only way THEY’LL get down with you.

 

They say, “You were ok not using condoms before, why do we have to use them now?”

You say, “I changed my mind on how I feel about them and I want to start now. It’s ok to change your mind!”

Staying informed and up to date about your sexual health is a part of taking care of your overall well being. It’s always ok to change your mind and make the best decision with the information you have.

 

If after you have this conversation with your partner they still aren’t respecting your decisions or boundaries, make it clear that you won’t have sex without a condom. If someone threatens you or says they’d rather break up than wear a condom, they aren’t a partner that can respect you or themselves. At the end of the day, “No” means “No”.
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